Photo by Dan Zen

All I wanted to do was glance at the outdoor menus in peace. It was a typically hot and muggy evening in Singapore, and my colleagues and I were strolling along the bustling, touristy Clarke Quay. We had a variety of gustatory objectives. What to have: chili crab, fish head curry, clay pot chicken rice, satay, tandoori? Tough choices, but we had a strategy for making the momentous decision. We would first perform a recognizance mission, checking out the entire length of the quay. Then, armed with the best overview, we would come to consensus and choose the optimal establishment.

But the restaurant hawkers had a different strategy, which was to harangue us with blandishments about their particular venue if we passed their establishment at anything less than a sprint. No way to peruse the menus without enduring importunities.

“Just looking, just looking, just looking…” we tried. But these elite sales people were not to be silenced. How to politely get them to let me just glance at the menus without having to engage them? How about a tech blocker: ye old phone? Regrettably, I had not brought my mobile shield with me, but since it was Singapore, I always had my trusty, tiny collapsible umbrella. This umbrella was black, just like my phone. Perfect! I plied the plump little umbrella to my ear, and read the menu offerings to it, complete with murmurings of agreement, “Yes, I’ve never had that, either.” The restaurant hawkers, well versed in phone etiquette, wouldn’t think of interrupting my umbrella conversation.

Did they cease badgering us because they thought they were in the presence of a lunatic? No, they behaved as if I were talking on a phone because it made no sense that someone would be talking into an umbrella. They saw my behavior in the only way that it made sense to them, regardless of the obvious facts.

We all do this every day. We see someone else’s behavior through the lens of our understanding, based on our way of behaving. But it is possible to slow down for a moment and try to understand another’s actions based on their perspective. What if we make the effort to deliberately check whether our perception is reality? Maybe that umbrella has more potential than just shielding us from rain.